3. When everybody is a singer in your family

4. When your parents want you to become either a doctor or an engineer, nothing else.

5. When your parents try to hook you up with your cousins

6. When your freezer is filled with nothing but MEAT

7. When you can speak more than two languages

8. When your parents call Food Basics “Basic Food” or Burger King “King Burger”

9. When you are not allowed to have boyfriends and girlfriends

10. When until the age of 6 you thought your name was “padar-naalat”

11. When your parents talk to strangers, after 15 minutes they realize that they are cousins

12. When your parents want to call you they will say every one of your 12 brothers and sisters names before they get to your name.

13. When your parents don’t realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, so they still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls

14. Your mother does everything for you if you are a male but the females do all the housework in the family.

15. When you have at least 70 cousins

16. When you arrive 2 hours late at a party, you think it is normal.

17. When you go shopping with your parents and you see something you want, your parents complain by saying you can get it for a cheaper price at Wal-Mart.

18. When after a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and discuss politics, waiting for their tea

19. When your parents haggle at malls trying to get a discount

20. When you spend so much money on a nice dining room table but you never eat on it

21. When you wear a t-shirt under a revealing dress at weddings

22. When you kiss 3 times when you greet someone and ask “how are you?” 11 times

23. When there’s more oil in the food than the actual food itself

24. When your mom and aunts wake up early every weekend and race to garage sales

25. When your every sentence starts with “bachemmm”

26. When you eat dinner at 11pm at night

27. When you have rice for lunch and dinner every single day

28. When you get house warming gifts you give them to some other afghan and it ends up getting passed around until it gets back to you

29. When its time to leave at a wedding you steal the flowers off the table and one flower is just not enough so your parents force you to go grab them off other tables

30. When the only song you play at a party is “Sitare-Balbali”

31. When you’re forced to wear your older brothers suits after he’s out grown them.

32. When you’re forced to buy shoes two sizes larger so they can last

33. When you try and fit 5 kids in the back of a hatchback (one on top of the other)

34. When your mom and dad don’t use their first names when calling each other

35. When your parents hate cats and dogs and forbid you to have them as pets

36. Whenever you are a guest at someone’s house, everyone follows you out to the driveway when you leave (and those who don’t get yelled at later)

37. When after you follow your guests to the driveway, another conversation continues for about 30 minutes

38. When you have 10 towels for decoration in the bathroom but you aren’t allowed to use them

39. When you carefully unwrap presents to save the wrapping paper so you can use it to re-gift later

40. When your mom or dad wears your hand-me-downs and takes your old shoes and clothes and thinks of relatives she could give it to

41. When your house phone starts ringing at 4 am in the morning from family back home

42. When you have more Indian movies than books or magazines in the house!

43. When you are sick of explaining to all foreigners that Osama Bin Ladin is not from Afghanistan.

44. When you are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go.

45. When the boys had no curfew while the girls had to be home by 6pm.

46. When your parents hate the Russians.

47. When you aren’t married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands and proclaim that it’s too late.

48. When you have never met half of your extended family.

49. When you really like Afghans of the opposite sex or you can’t stand them.

50. When your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds.

51. When your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day.

52. When your parents had eight daughters in hopes of having a son.

53. When one or both of your parents skipped at least one year of elementary school.

54. When you have cousins you have never met, whose names you don’t know, but who insist they’re related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to anyone YOU know.

55. When your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they’re not fighting.

56. When your parents compare you to all of their friends’ kids.

57. When your parents tell you that they were the richest and most respected people “back home”.

58. When your older siblings always listen to your parents’ conversations.

59. When no one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.

60. When your parents worry what other people will think if you’re not going to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.

61. When your parents have their own unique names for everything such as;
- Tissues =Tushis
- Barbeque = Babooqi
- Roosevelt Boulevard = Roosabaar Beeroobaar
- Video = Visio
- Blockbuster Video = Black Bastard Visio
- Liberty Park = Liability Park
- Syrup = SRDUP

62. When two or more afghan men will always talk politics with each other whereas two or more afghan women will always start their sentences with “did you know….”

63. When you have new brides coming to western countries from Afghanistan or Pakistan are always under the age of 18 but have managed to finish a University course at Kabul University five years ago.

64. When newly arrived afghan guys always become more westernized than those brought up in a western country.

65. When most Afghan guys have illusions of being black and Afghan girls have illusions of being Indian actresses.

66. When most ‘cultured’ afghan men will dress up in a suit and tie for a day out in the park.

67. When food is not worthy of eating if it is not floating in two centimeters deep in oil.

68. When a wedding was either good or bad depending on the food.

69. When it takes 10 minutes to say “hi, how are you” after you greet each other ‘properly’, you actually ask them other how they are

70. When you grow a football field of “Na-Na” (mint) in your backyard.

71. When you’re walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

72. When you are told that your parents were always ranked first in school.

73. When getting a visa to s western country is like having a baby, everybody tells you “Mubaarak” and “Tabreek”

74. When you are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport.

75. When you live with your parents even if you are 40 years old (And they like it that way).

76. When even if she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter is going out with whose son and feel like it’s your duty to spread the word.

77. When the first thing you teach any non-afghan is how to curse in farsi.

78. When at least once a week your mum says, “I want to go to Kabul”.

79. When the second you pull out of someone’s driveway, your parent’s start talking about them.

80. When you always say “open the light” instead of “turn the light on”.